Sunday, November 18, 2012


There is this sense of peace you get when you let go of the tension, the weight, the fear you have been carrying, even though you have been in denial that you have been shouldering it. That is how I am feeling now.

Laura had surgery on Friday. It wasn't major, just some adjustments really, to repair the hole in her ear drum and release her tongue-tie. She is fine and is back to her usual self already. I am not surprised. She is a resilient kid, full of a quiet determination that shall serve her well no matter what the obstacle.

The procedures were elective. She could have gone on alright without them. Maybe that's why I was so anxious. It was my call to make. Did I need to put her through this?  A general anesthetic?  A degree of risk?  What if something went wrong?  So I spent much of my Thursday in a bit of a fog, random morbid thoughts of what-ifs and is-this-the last-time-I-get-to worries going through my head.  Reason won over my fears but I carried the weight. 

Friday rolled around and Laura was so good.  Yes, she was anxious at times.  The staff at CHEO are amazing and know all about how to work with kids and their anxious parents.  I love CHEO.  I love her doctor.  The surgery went quickly and well.  I am so thankful.

CHEO Teddy Bear Picnic photo from Citizen

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Dinner fail, again

I opened my fridge, looking for something to will me to make it for dinner tonight.  The fridge is full but there is nothing to eat.  Both a parenting and cooking fail moment.  My random thoughts?

Do potato chips count as a vegetable or grain product?  Why are there chips in the fridge anyway?  I don't even want to know what's in that container at the back.  We did pasta last night so that is out.  Too cold to barbecue something.  Hmmm.  One kid won't eat eggs so an omelet won't work.  Salad, yes!  That's a good idea... in theory... but the lettuce is getting old and I don't do icky lettuce.  Cheese..  Maybe there's something I can do with cheese...  Um, no, not that cheese.  What exactly was I on when I bought buttermilk?  Did I have a Martha moment of baking fantasies at the store?  Seriously! 

On it goes.  I settled for fish and chips with frozen veg.  Thrilling.  They ate it and it wasn't Halloween candy.  So I suppose it isn't a real fail but I need to get some planning and fridge cleaning in this week.  I obviously can't leave dinner to inspiration.  It just doesn't end well. 

This is NOT my fridge... I'm jealous

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Wordless Wednesday - Simon's Cat

My cat was 'helping' me write today so I thought this might be appropriate.  Mrrrowww?!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Almost an Amber

The first thing my sister said when I was talking to her on the phone this afternoon was that she was, "MUCH better now that K is home safe."

It turns out that K did not get off her school bus.  No one noticed her get on, including her brothers.  The bus driver hadn't seen her and there were no kids left at school.  Not knowing is so scary.  The wheels went quickly into motion, the school and bus company were doing all the right things.  The oldest brother calmed my sister while younger prayed.

And then it was over.  K had been on the bus, slumped down and involved so deeply in her book that she missed her stop and hadn't noticed people looking for her.  Innocent mistake with serious consequences.

I am processing this whole surreal event now.  I can't quite do it and will not allow the worst to come to mind.  But there is innocence lost.  For K for sure, but for me too.  I always am so optimistic.  I have enough happy endings in my life to believe in the good of people and of the unseen hand making everything work out right.  What if...?  I can't go there.

I know this will effect the way I parent a bit.  I have not focused much attention on those 'street smart' skills for my two, letting them just be kids.  I have issues with some of those messages based on fear, but it is time that I make sure my kids know better how to help themselves and make the good choices.  They deserve that confidence on their way to becoming independent.

That's for tomorrow. Tonight I am so thankful my niece is fine.  Tonight I have a very clear perspective on what matters.  They are so precious.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Seeking Warmth

It's official.  The first flakes of winter are falling, the wind is picking up and it is time to accept that winter is on its way.  Today I am thinking about what is actually nice about the arrival of the season. Top 5 right now?

  • Sitting by the fireplace.  It's gas which lacks some of the charm from the wood burning type, but it is convenient and warm.  I put in on most evenings and curl up nearby. 

  • Sipping hot coffee.  OK, so I do this year-round but it brings even more comfort in the chilly weather.  The trick is to cut myself off after 5 cups or so, which doesn't always happen.

  • Home made squash-apple soup.  Yum!  This stuff warms me inside and out with the flavour and smell.  A definite cold weather staple.

  • Fuzzy socks.  My popsicle toes appreciate the comfort and it makes me smile. 

  • Warm thoughts of hotter times.  Las Vegas, Caribbean, cottages, summer... plenty of memories to keep me smiling and remembering the times I felt too hot. 

So bring it on winter!  I'm ready for you!  ... sort of.  I'd better find my boots, Where's my toque? Do I really have to shovel that? 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

50 Shades of Awesome

And, in case you are wondering, none of them have to do with that 50 shades, at least not on this list.

Last month I slept in a tent in the back yard with my kids, because I promised them that fall camping with the Guides/Scouts was not so bad and we would prove it.  That counts for at least 10 awesome points, right?  Did I mention I even did a fake campfire with real stale marshmallows on the porch.  And that was also the night that the neighbour decided to throw a drunken party on his porch so, yay! Wildlife too!  I slept maybe 2 hours.  Awesome.

I volunteered to help run this pumpkin auction thing to raise money for charity.  I had fun with it last year but sickness, fatigue, technical issues and lack of help had me running ragged this year.  *Sigh* It came, it went, money was raised and I toughed it out.  Awesome.

That same weekend I got to go to Scout camp, luckily only for the day.  I decided that I wasn't up for packing for the overnight and sleeping in freezing weather with a cold.  It rained all day and we hiked.  Owen only melted down twice but he liked it.  Awesome.

There's a whole lot of effort that goes into the things we do for others sometimes.  Sometimes it feels wonderful, like I am getting as much as I give for the time.  And sometimes it sucks, I am drained and I wonder why I bother putting out the effort.  There's no payment for this time and I don't get a badge.  I do get the odd 'thank you' and hugs from the kids but it doesn't always cut it. 
So I am getting better at taking time for myself to build up the "Awesome" reserve.  Laughing with friends, seeing an amazing concert with my sister, hiking in the fall leaves and soaking at Le Nordik spa are among the things that I am feeling less guilty about doing.  I need that time.  It matters to me and helps bring balance.  Feeling recharged - Awesome.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

My karate kid

She has found something that works so well for her.  I am so happy.  Her confidence is growing and she is proud. My karate kid.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Shifting from "Um?" to "Ohm"

Today I went to yoga class at the gym.  I think the last time I went was sometime in September and then all hell broke loose in life and I forgot to breathe.  I was WAY overdue, just like I'm way overdue to make the schedule that tells me what I should be doing instead of Angry Birds after I drop the kids off at school, but I digress.  Today I pretended Yoga was on my schedule and I went.  And it was good! 

This class was a real yoga class instead of some yoga-fusion-I'm-too-skinny-and-fashionable-to-be-here type class.  I felt like I belonged and I came out stretched and energized.  OK, stretched, energized and a sore hip but that happens when you are about 35-ish, so whatever, wine has helped with that.  Why is it that I just don't do this yoga thing more often?  Where is my willpower?  Along with NaBloPoMo routine, I'm going to try to make the gym & yoga thing a routine.  It helps and I want to feel this good more often. 

Now that the feel good stuff is done, here are some yoga cartoons borrowed from the net:

by Betsy Streeter

by Dan Reynolds

Thursday, November 1, 2012

NaBloPoMo - Here we go!

I have stumbled into November and remembered that it is National Blog Posting Month time again. This is when blogger dig into their writing will and post daily on the topic of choice.  Perhaps it is good that it snuck up on me and took me by surprise.  I have no time to fret about it so will just launch in.

What to post today?  How about the traditional kid Halloween pic.  Works for me!  So "Super Mario" (shouting "Here we go!") and "Nice Witch" (she just has too squishy a heart to turn anyone into a toad) are getting set to rake in the Halloween loot. It was fun and I got wine and treats.  The rain held off for the trek so everyone was largely happy.