This one has been around for a while but it still makes me giggle. (Yep, I’m easily amused.)
----- Christmas Cake Ingredients:
2 cups flour
1 stick butter
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle Rum(151 Proof)
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the rum to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the rum again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the rum is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the rum. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the rum and wipe counter with the cat.
* I couldn’t the original author for this. No copyright infringement intended!*