Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother Journey

I should warn you.  I am on the brink of talking about some very personal thoughts and sharing some fragile truths about my road to motherhood.  If you would like to believe that being a parent is Hollywood perfect, skip this post.

I have always wanted to be a mother.  It is funny how strong a pull that is.  I am blessed to have met my wonderful life partner back in university and we have now been together for 20 years.  Amazing when I think about it.  So, after my first nephew was born, we were ready. 

First there was “Tad”.  I miscarried just as I entered my 2nd trimester, two days after we moved to our first house.  We were in a new community and still finding our way to the grocery store, let alone the hospital.  Through the loss, we grew closer and understood how much we wanted a baby of our own.

A few months later we were thrilled to be welcoming another baby.  Breathing easier after the first trimester, we believed we were home free.  It was not to be.  At 7 months, I had a placental abruption, emergency c-section and ICU for me.  It was too late for the baby.  Our tiny perfect son Kyle was born still. 

Amid the grief, I felt blessed.  So honoured to have known our little boy as long as we did, even if it was only in the womb.  For some, it is hard to have faith after something so tragic happens.  For me, I felt my faith grow in a way that is impossible to describe.  Kyle also taught us much about the love of a parent.  It makes me understand the closeness and unconditional acceptance of being a mother in such a strong way.  Perhaps I parent now more peacefully because if it.  It certainly makes the decision to be a stay at home mom an easy choice for me.

After the stress of a tense 38 weeks, we welcomed our dear miracle Owen with blessed cries into our arms.  We are honoured to have our special guy to raise and love every day.  He enriches our lives in so many ways and I love everything about our wonderful boy.

Two years later we welcomed our precious Laura into our family.  She is such a beautiful blessing.  The joy she brings to my life is immeasurable and we love her beyond words.  She is a bit of a mini-me and so I “get” her with her quiet moments, shifting moods and simple positive outlook.  Joy.

Mother’s Day is always bitter sweet for me.  I love the two I am blessed to be able to raise.  I always feel a part missing too.  So I am wishing all who are mothers, mother’s who have experienced loss and mother’s in their hearts, a happy and peaceful Mother’s day.  It is a special day to celebrate those who care for the next generation.  May it be a joyful one for all.


  1. I was just thinking about Kyle this morning and how this must be a bittersweet day for you. Your post made me cry, thanks for sharing. HUGS

  2. Thanks so much for sharing your story, Pam. I recognize that sense of melancholy that Mother's Day can bring.

  3. Pam, thank you for sharing your story with us. I, too, experienced losses (too many to mention)and feel so blessed with the family we have, but on Mother's Day I think of those that weren't and wonder. Then I realize that the ones that are are here because of the ones that aren't so I squeeze them a little tighter and carry on. I hope you had a wonderful day with your children and Hubby too. And yes, your post made me cry too.

  4. I've often admired your lack of bitterness about Kyle and the easygoing acceptance of bumps in your parenting road. Way to soldier on, sweetheart.

  5. Thanks for the support. Time is a great healer and I really do appreciate all my blessings now (most days). 'Twas a nice and low key mom's day this year for us and that was just fine with me.

  6. Oh gosh...I'm all teary, Pam. What a tough journey. I'm so glad you have Owen and Laura to share Mother's Day with you.

  7. This is what makes you so amazing. You always find the positive in everything!

  8. you are a stronger woman than most to have found inspiration in such tragedy. hope your mother's day was filled with hugs and kisses from your dear ones.