Difficult

It's the first word I am attempting to put on this shocking sadness that is washing over me.  Difficult to process, difficult times ahead. 

I have just heard that Owen's Akala (head Cub leader) passed away suddenly over the weekend from a heart attack.  I don't think she was even 40 yet.  She will be deeply missed by all who knew her in her involved life.

So now I am going through the difficult task of finding the words and ways of explaining the loss of someone he knew well to our boy.  We have been lucky so far at not losing a family member so haven't had to delve too deeply into death discussions.  I guess part of being a parent, an adult, is that you take on the difficult, even when you don't want to, because you have to do it. 

The words will come, the emotions too, and we will get through.  Keeping Robin's family in our thoughts and prayers tonight.

Cookie Fortune

Forever looking for lunchbox content, I have been known to browse Bulk Barn hoping for inspiration for what seems like hours.  No nuts, no sesame, no shellfish (though I have only considered sending lobster while listening to sea shanties on an over-tired weeknight.).  Part of me thinks that there will be a flashing light over the ultimate snack in the barn-of-too-many-choices.  Something that both kids will like and will bring them energy & brilliant thoughts during the day.  A mom can dream.  Yet this week I seem to have come quite close to that perfect pick.

There, in the third aislewithout a flashing light, was the bulk fortune cookie bin.  Food and entertainment rolled into one.  Scooping up a bag full to go with my beloved chocolate covered pretzels (not suitable for children, I say), I head home to pack something new in the lunch. 

Lunch was a happy occasion for both.  The results could not be more accurate for my two kids:

Laura's reads "You are strongly tuned in to those around you."  Yep, that's my girl!  Her Brownie leader commented on her amazing help the past few weeks with the younger, shy girls.  She gladly leaps in to make things right for others.  Those words would not ring true for Owen, but these do: "Others are deeply moved by your presence."  OK, maybe that is going a wee bit too far, but when that puppy gets his passion going, look out!  I am tremendously moved when he does something I never think he's capable of doing like riding his bike or coping through a difficult time. 

Flashing light or not, that bin was a just what I needed that day.  Stay tuned for some future post about me making the ultimate fortune cookie from scratch with witty fortunes inside.  Um, well, that may take a while.

Stupid iPad

Hello little blog.  I have missed you.  Where have I been?  Well, I'll tell ya.

It all started innocently enough.  My husband was about to go away on a business trip.  He was leaving on my birthday and justifiably full of guilt.  Prime time to pull out the sweet martyr-devil combo from my back pocket.  "Well, since you'll be away and, you know, we've vaguely, while finishing a big bottle of wine, talked about getting an iPad, why don't we get one for my birthday?" Yep, hooked. 

And yes, I love it.  I love it way too much.  I am loading up apps like some kind of cyber junkie. Hours are spent doing useful things like seeing if there is cat alarm clock app (yep, there is) and loading up games for the kids.  There are TED talks to watch, movies to peruse and radio stations from Australia to listen to.  Need a recipe? There's an app for that.  I've downloaded my first e-book and it is as much fun to play with the features as it is to read.  The possibilities are endless and I feel like I've only just begun to use the little beast to it's full potential.

However, the biggest time-waster by far has been stupid Angry Birds.  Arrrrgh!  How can I get sucked into hours of time firing a sling-slot with birds on it at ridiculous objects and green pigs!  Unbelievable!  And yet, I played it again today.  I have no will-power.  I wonder if they have an app for that?  Or at least a an i-support group.  I will never soothe those birds and I need to get back to the real world.

Rollercoaster of Emotions

It is never dull in the land of ASD.  Owen is growing, and along with this comes maturing in the ways of the social world.  It is a confusing labyrinth to him at times.  Lately we have been dealing with disappointments.

It is a beautiful day and we ride bikes to the school park.  Owen wants to do more biking so I give him more freedom to explore on his own than he has ever had before. He is thrilled to tell me that there is a lemonade stand down the street and can he go get some.  Well, sure, except he has to bike home to get some money first.  He does this but by the time he gets there, the lemonade stand has closed up and disappeared.  Heartbreak city.  Here he is being totally responsible, biking safely, asking permission, getting his own allowance for the treat and it is yanked away from him.  Putting aside my desire to go yell at the kids who had the nerve to close down the lemonade stand even though the sign was clearly still up, I try to console my crying 10 year old.  It is not possible.  We had a plan and it wasn't working through no fault of his own.  That's not what he expected.  *sigh*  We make our way home and make our own lemonade.  It works, for now.

It is tempting to want to shelter the kids from difficult times.  Get rid of those road bumps that make the ride rough.  He wanted to drive around down until we found an open lemonade stand but we didn't.  We worked through it eventually.  My friend reminded me recently that there is such a gift that you give your kids when you allow them to struggle and work through the difficult times on their own.  They learn and they gain confidence in themselves. 

I'm not sure what it will take for him to find his path through disappointment.  It can be hard for those of us who bend easily but so much harder for those who see the world in black and white.  But, like riding a bike, it comes with time, practice, band aids and a little distraction.  And it is worth it. 

Wordless (mostly) Wednesday - Fishing

They are SO eager to go fishing at the cottage, begging me to pack the rods and asking almost as soon as we arrive.  I don't do fish.  But I am an awesome mom so grab gloves, net, and pliers to handle the unlucky catches anyway.  Laura doesn't actually want a hook on hers.  Um, ????  Owen does about five casts and is done.  Score!  They are content, I have no fish to deal with.  Another contrived memory at the cottage.  Priceless.

Monday Moments: Alike

This is a thing Brie does at Capital Mom, writing on a theme word and seeing what comes of it.  Here is my spontaneous first attempt.

Alike.  It seems I have a mini-me in my daughter.  She looks like me, like how I looked at 8.  Our hair is very similar and our eyes.  She is even cursed blessed with my personality – part shy and quiet, part curious, seeing humour in daily things, happy alone but also liking being with others.  We are not perfectionists but see the big picture, solving problems but sometime overwhelmed into inaction.  It is all part of the package that comes with this genetic bond and our family ways.

At this stage in her life, she doesn’t mind that we are alike.  She looks up to me (and I to her).  But I know what is coming.  Those teenage years when we try so hard to forge our own identity.  Saying “I know, I understand, I’ve been there” will fall on deaf ears as she struggles to find her individuality.  It will not be me to whom she talks about her problems.  We are too close and I may be that problem.  There will be times when she will deny much about herself that is like me.  I hope I have the strength and wisdom to get through these times. 

After these rocky years, I hope she embraces the person she is, exactly as she is. She is amazing, quirks and all.  I know, I understand, I’ve been there.  For I am a bit of a mini-me of my mother.  It is something I appreciate now, all the ways in which we are alike.

KMKY July 2011

Knowing me, Knowing you - July 2011


Thank god someone's mind has not turned to summer mush.  Shannon's monthly interview project yanks me out of my lazy zone and back into writing something.  Here she goes.

1. It's less than 6 months until Christmas, have you started your shopping yet?

Bahahaha!  Really?  Why I am the queen of procrastinators and will not be doing this until about the second week of December in a cold panic.  That's why everyone gets gift cards or things you can get at the grocery store. 

2. What's your guilty pleasure?

Where to begin that I can actually post on my blog?  I am totally hooked on Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Dark Chocolate granola bars.  I lurk on facebook at least 10 times a day, trolling for friends.  Amazing Race hour is an pure me-time and heaven help the poor soul who interrupts me. 

3. Are you on Pinterest?

I had no idea what this was until I looked it up just now.  Looks interesting, but another way to spend too much time of my life on the computer.

4. Popsicle or an ice cream cone?

Ice cream cone, preferably sugar cone with a single scoop of something decadent like Death By Chocolate or something on it.  Yum!

5. Are your toes painted?

Yes.  Purple right now, rather chipped.  Love it when I get a spa pedi to make it nice but I'll slash away at my own toes in a pinch, remover close at hand.  I love having colourful toes - usually pinks, purples and plums.  One day I'll leap out of my comfort zone and do something more dramatic... on my way to my tropical island holiday with tropical drink in hand.... 


Happy July!