Last night we said farewell to a dear friend who is moving 3000 km away. I don't know when or if I will see her again in person and it sucks. I hate this kind of good bye. There are other dear people to me who are also too far away, some who happen to be celebrating birthdays this week, and I don't know when or if I will be seeing them again either. Each one was such a significant part of my life at one time or another. I can't believe those times are only memories now.
There is a hollowness that remains when we lose those we care about from our daily lives. I usually can take it, fill it with distractions of the moment and the joys that are close at hand, but today it aches. I feel sulky and I don't like missing people. I want a transporter, or a way to go back in time to re-experience some of the wonderful times in my past with people I miss.
You would think that by 40-something, I would be over this childishness. For now, nostalgia is making me blue. I know that it gets better, today is just a day and all that. I wouldn't trade a single memory of times with these people to avoid the pain. All these finished chapters are part of my life story. It still sucks. I want it all.